My Angel,

(Directly from tumblr. Not quite sure of the exact date...)

Today was alright. Not good nor bad. I’m getting a little close to quiting smoking. Your daddy had a bad day, I think. He almost cussed this woman out in Walmart today. I’m not saying she didn’t deserve it, but I had to drag him away before someone got in trouble. She was standing in the middle of the aisle talking, while I am waiting there patiently waiting for her to move so i can grab a salad mix. She turned around and looked at me stupidly a few times, and your daddy got fed up. He had to get between the two ladies to grab what we needed, and he said “EXCUSE ME! You aren’t the only two people in the store!”

“Well SOWRY!” she said really sarcastically.

Shane said something smart allicky and turned around to walk to the registers- I can’t remember what and she says “ASSHOLE!” under her breath.

He turns around saying “I’m an asshole?- You are the one standing here looking at us stupid blocking the aisle way!” Anyways, she tried to follow us to the registers and start more crap then decided to go and tell the manager, like they were going to do something. Anyways, it was ridiculous. She should have not been looking at us stupidly, and just let us get what we needed and then none of it would have happened. ME? I’ll wait there impatiently until they move- I might get aggravated about it, but I’m not going to get my panties in a bunch over it.

ANYWAYS-

Just a little bit ago, I was outside.. my computer had just died, and I was fixing to come inside and go to bed when i saw the most beautiful thing (except you of course). It was the biggest, brightest, most beautiful, shooting star I had ever seen. I thought it could mean one of two things.

Either it was you telling me that you are okay and I shouldn’t worry about you, OR it was a free wish. Maybe both? Well I made a wish, and after that I am going to sleep a tad bit easier knowing you are okay.

I really hate you couldn’t be here to see these things, but I really want to take these as signs or ways for you to talk to me, rather than dwell on the fact you can’t see earth’s beauty. Me thinking negatively about beautiful things is not going to bring you back. That is why when I see a butterfly, I smile. It reminds me of you. I still cry for you, and grieve the loss of you. I will always, but I love you and I know these beautiful things are things you are sending to me letting me know you hear me when I talk to you, and hug me when I cry for you, and you love me as much as I love you. I love your gifts!

We miss you so much!

I love you, baby!

Love,

Mommy.

Hey Baby,

(Directly from tumblr. Post for September 28, 2010)

Your Nana, Courtney, Karson, and I went and visited your baby cousin, Addy, today in the hospital. She is so pretty. You would have loved her. She is so much bigger than you are, but alot smaller than I expected. I was okay until I held her. She is the first baby I have held since you.

Uncle Drew, Aunt Val, and Addy should be home tomorrow sometime (I pray they are, especially after I talked to your Uncle Drew tonight). Then your daddy will get to meet his new niece. I have a feeling it will be a little hard for him also. I will be surprised if it isn’t.

Your big cousin Karson loved his little sissy though. He was so cute giving her love, but he was afraid to touch her. I think he thought she might break. Which is a good thing, because it shows he’ll probably be easy with her.

When we left the hospital, your Nana took us out to eat at the Cracker Barrel. It was good, you would have loved it. Karson was so tired he fell asleep on the ride home, which probably isn’t unusual on days when he doesn’t get his nap in.

When we got home, we dropped Kar off at PawPaw’s and let him take a nap, while your Nana, Courtney, and I went to the grocery store to get stuff for Nana to make lasagna and chili tomorrow night for supper.

When we got back home, I showed your Nana your Urn, and the locket with the Serenity prayer on, that I keep your picture in. (Forgetful Mommy forgot to put it on before she left the house this morning, I promise that won’t happen again.) She loved them. They made her sad, but she said your final resting place is beautiful. I didn’t mean to make her cry. :(

When we got down to PawPaw’s house, Mommy cooked your favorite pork chops that you used to always want more of, PawPaw Al cooked cornbread, corn, green beans, and black eyed peas, and Nana cooked the fried taters. You would have loved all that also- although I don’t know about the black eyed peas, because I don’t like them and I never ate them while I was pregnant with you.

Your daddy and I miss you so much, babygirl. I could tell your Nana missed you too. You met her before. I don’t know if you remember her holding you after you went to sleep in heaven, but I know she remembers you. She loves you so much.

I hope you are having fun up there with your big brother, and your Nana Brita. I bet my mommy is taking the best care of you both for me until I get up there. Give them hugs and kisses for me.

I love you, baby.

Love,

Mommy.

Addy shortly after she was born.

My dearest Serenity,

(Directly from tumblr. Post from September 27th, 2010)

I hate to break it to you, but today September 27th 2010 is the day you are no longer the baby of the family. You are gaining a new baby cousin. A girl named Addison Rayne. I am very happy about this, but at the same time I can’t help but think how YOU were supposed to be a month younger than her, and you ended up being 2 months older. It kills me to know you aren’t even around to see it happening, I know if you were here I would feel totally different. I have never told anybody, but when I was pregnant with you I used to have dreams of you two playing together, laughing and having fun. I hate that you won’t get to experience that. I have a feeling this is not going to be a good day for me. Your daddy and I love you so much, and we miss you.

Love,

Mommy.

Serenity, Mommy, & Daddy

Addison Rayne born on September 27th 2010 weighing in at 6lbs 14ozs 18&1/2 inches long. <3