It's been a long time.

Hey baby girl. It's been a long time since I've written, I know. Mommy went on a great adventure. April 8th I left Alabama on a bus to Iowa. I spent a month in Iowa with our cousin Molly, her husband Neil, and their two babies Natty and Ben while Molly was pregnant with baby Sam. We had a great time. Two days before I got on an airplane to come back home, baby Sam made his appearance. He is a bright-eyed baby boy, with a head full of dark brown hair. Such a beautiful baby boy.

I am back home now. And life is getting so much harder for me it seems. Today marks 10 months since you came and left us. Now, I cry at the drop of a hat. If a song comes on that reminds me of you, I cry. Deep conversations between your daddy and I about you, I cry. Movies (especially Disney) that I know you'll never be able to watch and enjoy, I cry. Even writing this. I'm crying.

Your cousin Addy is now 7 months old. You should be 6. I left for a month, and I come back and she's crawling, and getting around so well on her knees. Pulling her chubby self up on everything she comes across. She's even TALKING now!! She says small words like "Mama" "Dada" and "KarKar" (Mommy, Daddy, and Karson {her big brother}) I even think I heard her say "Nana" yesterday. It is unbelievable how much she has grown. I look at her and think of all the things that you should be here doing. You should be starting to take your first few little steps on your knees. Growing teeth and thick long beautiful hair. Even spitting out baby gibberish like "Mamamamama!" and "Dadadadada!". Our ears will never be graced with your beautiful voice, or the earth shattering sounds of your cry. 10 months, and it's just now hitting me. As a very dear friend told me "The FOG has lifted from you". It is definitely feeling this way.

This past Sunday, May 8th was Mothers Day. It was a very hard day for me, as were the days leading up to it. It was my first Mothers Day, as a mother of an actual baby I gave birth to, yet I had nobody to "celebrate" it with. I was cheated out of yet, another, holiday. My mother is gone in heaven, and my 3 children are in heaven. Going to a grave with an urn full of ashes, is not how I planned my very first Mothers Day as a mother to be. Yet that was my reality.

Grandma Brita, Mommy, and Serenity

I know this is not how the "traditional" Mothers Day thing works, but hey! We're not a very traditional family, are we? I got you a special gift for Mothers Day, Serenity. This gift is one that says "I'm so glad to be your mother, even for a short time, I was so blessed to even know you." I hope you love it. ♥

Princess Piggy!

I love you and miss you so much baby girl! I hope you are having fun in heaven, and I want you to know not a second goes by where I don't think of you.