So this is unlike me but,

I left something out in my last blog! So instead of editing the other blog, I decided to start a new one so everyone would know that they missed something. So sorry about this, but I had to.

Serenity's Uncle Drew and Aunt Val, went to the beach the weekend of Halloween, and Val was telling me they were walking along the beach, and she found something. She said it reminded her of Serenity, so she brought it to me.

Angel Wings for Serenity ♥

I absolutely LOVE it! I'm pretty sure it's a broken sand-dollar, but it is very special that they were thinking of Serenity. I love you guys! :)

To commemorate your first Christmas in heaven

Serenity,
So Saturday, your daddy and I went and bought a few things, to commemorate your first Christmas. Since you are in heaven for your first holiday season I will be sure to keep your things safe for you, but I wanted to show you what we got! :)

HOT Pink Butterfly Ornament
When I saw this I
immediately thought of you.

Your very first Christmas stocking!
(still needing your name at the top)

"Every life leaves something beautiful behind"

You daddy and I bought this back in July,
but what a better time to share it with the world
then the Christmas season!

 The next few things are mommy's, but I wanted to show you what I got too.

This was one of those things that I HAD to have,
as soon as I saw it!
A "Serenity Angel" pin.

It's blurry, but it says "Serenity" on the back.

{I like how this picture came out so good you can actually read the WHOLE Serenity Prayer}
I wish I could stick one of these in every Christmas card I send this year.
If I could afford to, I certainly would!

Over the next few weeks, I will be acquiring more and more things to commemorate your first Christmas, as I would if you were here. We will be getting our Christmas tree very soon, and replacing our star tree topper with an angel, in your honor. Mommy loves and misses you very much, and even though you can't be here to celebrate this momentous occasion with us, we will still celebrate. Everything we do, and every tradition we carry out, we will be thinking of you. We will be celebrating the birth of someone else's child, also taken too soon. ♥

The Serenity Prayer

God grant me the Serenity 

to accept the things I cannot change,

Courage to change the things I can,

and the Wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;

Enjoying one moment at a time;

Accepting hardship as the pathway to peace.

Taking as he did,

this sinful world as it is,

not as I would have it;

Trusting that He will make all things right if I surrender to His will;

That I may be reasonably happy in this life,

And supremely happy with Him

forever in the next.

-Reinhold Niebuhr

Little Piggies

Many of you already know that I collect piggy banks for my beloved daughter, Serenity. This is the first time I've ever publicly told the story of why. It is short and sweet, but by far one of my favorite memories of her.

Back in May, shortly after we found out we were having a girl, Shane and I decided if we wanted to be prepared to have this baby by October, then we needed to get an early start. So we started putting money back. I decided, why don't we get a piggy bank for her? We can use it now, then when she is born it will make a great keepsake!

So we went to Walmart, and a few other stores, and couldn't find a piggy bank anywhere. All we could find was a Winnie the Pooh "piggy bank", which would have served the same purpose, but it was not quite what we were looking for. W wanted a REAL piggy bank! A PIG! I mean com'on! Whats the point in having a piggy bank, if it is not a piggy, right?

We searched a few more places, and could not find a piggy bank, so I said - Screw this! I'll make one! It still wasn't exactly what I wanted, but it was but it was fine because it was so personal. I bought a plastic "cookie jar", and stuck her name on it with sticky, glittery, letters.

May 21st 2010

Serenity's 1st "Piggy Bank"

A couple days later, Shane came home from work with a plain white box, with a little pink bow on it. It was from a friend he works with's girlfriend. I opened it up, and there was the cutest little piggy bank it it. She was wearing a bow, and had hearts all over her. Apparently, Shane had told his friend, Scott, about our piggy mishap, and Scott told his girlfriend, Amy, and Amy went and found us a piggy! It was the sweetest thing anyone had ever done for me.

Piggy Bank from Scott & Amy

"Jesus Loves Me"

A few weeks later, we were making our regular weekly trip to Walmart, to buy groceries. As usual, I gravitated towards the baby section. Guess what I am to find? A piggy bank. On clearance, and it's the LAST one left. I immediately informed Shane that we HAD to buy it! (We had to buy it, because we weren't using the one Scott and Amy had got for us. I was worried, if we did, it would break.) I was amazed, and amused that after all of that searching we did for one, and WE finally found one, and for $7 at that! The only thing was, it says "Baby's First Piggy Bank" on it, and we knew it wasn't her first. Shane said - It's the first one her PARENTS bought her, so it's still her first. I agreed.

The first piggy bank Serenity's PARENTS bought her.
After she passed I wrote her name on it with metallic paint.

Well, before Serenity passed away, we had and unspoken agreement, that that would be it for the piggy banks. After she died, it was all I could think to do for her. So from then on out, I knew that was her thing. Ever since then, if money has permitted it, I have always bought HER piggy banks, on an impulse buy.

Serenity's 3rd Actual Piggy Bank

Serenity's 4th Piggy Bank

Serenity's 5th Piggy Bank

I am hoping to one day have a bunch of little piggy banks, in honor of my baby Serenity! ♥ That is what makes me think of her the most! My mom loved piggies too, so thats something they have in common!

All of her piggies.

So a little has changed...

So I have been working very hard on trying to spruce this place up a little bit. Let me know what you think of the new header and font on the date & post titles. Hope to have a new blog coming soon. As for right now, I'm gonna turn in early. Also, before I go, I just want to let everyone know how grateful I am to have all of you as supporters! Thank you so much for taking this journey with me. It is a hard one, and good friends can never hurt! Thanks again! Goodnight everyone.

4 months you've been gone.

Well. It's been 4 months baby girl! How could I have ever managed 4 months? I can't even believe it! It has been 4 of the most agonizing months of my life, and it has went by so quickly. I always wonder what you'd look like, or how your personality would be. What milestones you would be surpassing.

I was talking to my friend earlier, and I was telling her that I wish it was still July 11th, or July 12th. I know that sounds crazy, but if that were the case, you wouldn't be such a distant memory, to everyone but your daddy and I. "Old news". You would still be fresh on everyone's minds. People would remember you, without me having to mention your name.

I miss you so much. You know it, I know it, and everyone in the world (who reads this blog) knows it. I just don't ever want anyone to forget you. I want people to mention you without me having to initiate it. I want people to acknowledge that you were a living breathing person. I want people to realize that I lost YOU, an BABY. You weren't some dog who died. You were MY little girl! My daughter! My flesh and blood. My family. I didn't just lose you. I lost a part of me.

You mean so much to me. You are my child. The love of my life. Created by the love of two people. I never knew I could create something so beautiful, until I first laid eyes on you. I never knew I could love something, SOMEONE, so much until that pregnancy test came up positive, until I first saw you on the ultrasound. Until I felt you kick for the very first time, until I found out you were a girl, until I saw your beautiful little face staring back at me for the first, and last time. As you grew, my love for you grew.

That is the best explanation, for you not being here, I can give to anyone. I loved you more than is humanly possible. You received a lifetimes worth of love, in just 6 short months. That was all you needed, so you left.

You are loved more than you will ever know. And I know your Grandma Brita is taking very good care of you for me. I love and miss you so much baby girl! Happy 4 months in heaven! ♥

The past week or two...

It has recently come to my attention that not everyone is as sensitive to the fact of my loss, and this blog, as others are.

People can sit there and scoff at the fact that I am doing this, and accuse me of writing this blog for attention, but honestly, I AM.

I AM writing this blog for attention. Attention for my daughter. For all of the people who have been through something similar. To let them know you are not alone. For the people who haven't been through something similar, to let them know this can happen those least suspecting. And lastly, for me. To help me work through my grief. To try to come to terms with what happened to me, and to seek supporters.

So yes. It is for Attention THANK YOU VERY MUCH! You can disagree with it all you want, but it's not going to change what I'm doing. Serenity was a LIVING BREATHING PERSON, and should be treated as such. If you don't like how *I* am reacting to the death of MY daughter, you can click on the little 'x' in the top right-hand corner of this window. I don't want readers who are going to judge me for how I am choosing to grieve. I mean it is MY choice, right?

On another note


Serenity,

The weekend before last was race weekend! How fun! NOT! Nascar, what a great excuse for loud unruly people from all over the continent to come to a very small town, and bother all of the residents! Yeah, you can tell I'm not a fan, huh? Lol, I did have a good weekend though. I watched Kar for the weekend, and Aunt Donna & Mike came down for the races. We cooked out and Donna and I drank Bloody Marys. They were sooo good!

During the weekend, I cracked one of my molars, then half of it fell out. So Tuesday, I went to the dentist and got my tooth pulled. He had a hard time getting it out, but after 12 shots of lidocaine, I didn't feel a thing.
That was almost a week ago, and my tooth still hurts.. I am pretty sure I have dry socket, but lots of Aleve & Tylenol should keep me afloat for awhile. If it gets any worse then I don't know what I'll do.

Okay, in the state of Alabama, usually when or before you go for WIC pick-up they assign a mini class. You can take this class either online, OR you can come to the office early and that the class. Either way, class + quiz. If you do the class thingy online when you get finished with the quiz, you have to bring them a code so you can pick-up your next 3 months worth of vouchers. The classes this time around were about breastfeeding and non-breastfeeding. Why should I have to read the literature, and take the quiz about these things when I never got the option to do these things.

So I wrote this letter to the people who handle WIC for the state of Alabama:

Hi, My name is Cally Rawson.
I am a recipient of the WIC program, and have been since about March of this year. 

I had my daughter in July, and she passed away 7 hours and 34 short minutes later, due to premature birth.

I also recently had to renew my WIC. I had to take the same Nutritional Education courses that a mother with a living breathing baby does, yet I don't have one. This is a mandatory course for someone who wants to continue their WIC for the allotted 6 months, after they have their baby.

Is there anyway to come up with an alternative course, for the many like me who doesn't get to bring their babies home?

Please take my request into consideration. It will be very appreciated by me, and all the other mothers who are still receiving WIC after their baby's untimely passing.

Thank you.
Cally Rawson


This is the reply I received:


Ms. Rawson, 
Personally and professionally, I offer heartfelt sympathy to you and your family for your loss. 
I apologize for the action taken by the local WIC clinic in asking you to complete nutrition education that was inappropriate for your situation.
Please let me know the clinic where you are a participant, so we can offer guidance to the staff.
Thank you for letting us know.
Jean Fulton

Jean Fulton, MS,RD
Director, Nutrition Services
Division of WIC
Bureau of Family Health Services

It made me so happy to get an immediate response, and it also made me feel like I accomplished something for me and everyone else who is going through a similar tragedy. Maybe nobody else who has to visit the same clinic I do, will have to take the course when it has been deemed inappropriate by the director or nutrition. This made my day. :)


I love you Serenity and you life, as short as it was DID have a purpose! :)