Well. It's been 4 months baby girl! How could I have ever managed 4 months? I can't even believe it! It has been 4 of the most agonizing months of my life, and it has went by so quickly. I always wonder what you'd look like, or how your personality would be. What milestones you would be surpassing.
I was talking to my friend earlier, and I was telling her that I wish it was still July 11th, or July 12th. I know that sounds crazy, but if that were the case, you wouldn't be such a distant memory, to everyone but your daddy and I. "Old news". You would still be fresh on everyone's minds. People would remember you, without me having to mention your name.
I miss you so much. You know it, I know it, and everyone in the world (who reads this blog) knows it. I just don't ever want anyone to forget you. I want people to mention you without me having to initiate it. I want people to acknowledge that you were a living breathing person. I want people to realize that I lost YOU, an BABY. You weren't some dog who died. You were MY little girl! My daughter! My flesh and blood. My family. I didn't just lose you. I lost a part of me.
You mean so much to me. You are my child. The love of my life. Created by the love of two people. I never knew I could create something so beautiful, until I first laid eyes on you. I never knew I could love something, SOMEONE, so much until that pregnancy test came up positive, until I first saw you on the ultrasound. Until I felt you kick for the very first time, until I found out you were a girl, until I saw your beautiful little face staring back at me for the first, and last time. As you grew, my love for you grew.
That is the best explanation, for you not being here, I can give to anyone. I loved you more than is humanly possible. You received a lifetimes worth of love, in just 6 short months. That was all you needed, so you left.
You are loved more than you will ever know. And I know your Grandma Brita is taking very good care of you for me. I love and miss you so much baby girl! Happy 4 months in heaven! ♥
It's in his heart
8 years ago
4 comments:
You're amazing. I just want you to know that me and Serenity...both yours and mine..think so.
*Silence* (((I know sweety...I know))) THEY WERE A PERSON EVERYONE... THEY DESERVE RECOGNITION!!! <3 I love you Serenity, but never near as much as your wonderful mommy!
I know what you mean!!! I always feel envious of even moms like you & Megan because it wasn't that long since you held your babies and touch their soft baby skin. It has been almost 5 years since I have done those things with my son ;(
People do not know our pain, they have no idea what it feels like to lose a part of you. To still be a mommy to a baby you can't touch or watch grow, your relationship with Serenity is strong as ever if not stronger! Some will forget, but others will always remember!!!
Please do not be envious of me Stace. It feels awful to know the FIRST and LAST time you get hold your baby, and she is dead. It has been a short time since I touched her soft baby skin, but it was cold, stiff, and lifeless. Not as a baby should be. :(
No people do not know our pain. They have no clue, and probably don't care.. I mean hey, it's not them. Why should they?
I love you and Jaleel. <3
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