God's will. {Controversial}

The website for the CDC (Center for Disease Control) says 1 in 8 babies are born premature each year. 1 in 8? Really? So for every 8 babies born, there is 1 who is premature. Fewer than 1% of the babies born alive in this country each year are born before 28 weeks. For more info click here. How does MY baby fall into this category? If it is such a rare thing, then why did it happen to MY baby?

I don't want to hear "It is God's will" or "She's in a better place now" or "God would not put something on you that you couldn't handle". None of these words are comforting to me, and can even make me feel worse, or angry. In my eyes, the best place she could EVER be, is in my arms. Don't tell me "Well there could have been something wrong with her down the road, and it would be easier for her to have gone now." NO. There was nothing wrong with her, aside from being born early. Even had there been in the future, we would have been able to deal. We would have made accommodations for our precious child. If God really decides what happens to people, then why would he ever let her have "something wrong with her"? And if THAT is the reason why he supposedly took her from me then WHY would he even let me get pregnant with her in the first place? But there was nothing wrong with her. She was perfect.

I am by far not the most religious person, but I don't want someone to sit here and tell me "It's God's will". God did not do this to my daughter. Science did. Don't tell me He did it for this and that reason. I don't think God is in control as much as most people do, because seriously.. if He decided what happens to people, then why do bad things happen to some of the most undeserving people? People who believe in Him, and pray to Him. People who go to church every Sunday and repent for their sins. He didn't do this to them, and if anything He is helping them get through this. Me on the other hand, I don't turn to God. I turn to friends. But I still don't believe this is "God's will"

Wow Serenity! People always say time flies when you are having fun. All I can say is, the last 5 months has not been fun, but it sure has flown by. I never would have thought on your 5 month birthday, I would be hanging you Christmas ornament that says Always Remembered. I shouldn't have to be hanging a memorial Christmas ornament, but a Baby's First Christmas ornament. You should be sitting in your swing watching me put the ornaments on the tree. Your eyes should be big in awe of all the pretty colors. You should be smelling the sweet aroma of cinnamon and pine. Instead you are not. You are not here physically, but spiritually, I know you are everywhere I am. You see everything I see. You smell everything I smell, and taste everything I taste. Not a second goes by where I'm not thinking of you, and what could have been. I will keep you alive baby. Mommy loves you, forever and ever. ♥

The pic is horrible, but this is Serenity's Christmas tree.