Last blog of the year..

So it is New Years Eve, and I still haven't posted about Christmas. I have been working on the slideshow for this blog, and that plus trying to recover from Christmas has been pretty overwhelming.

So I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas. I know for most of my Baby Loss Mama (BLM) friends, spending their first Christmas without their baby was not how they planned their "baby's first christmas". It certainly wasn't how I expected it to be. From the moment of that positive pregnancy test we dreamed of our baby's first Christmas. Helping them open their gifts on Christmas morning, playing Santa, finding the perfect stocking stuffers, starting new traditions with your new family, and carrying out the old. Every detail was planned out perfectly in our minds. But instead of all of that, we were forced to trade our happily growing babies in for a dark, unwanted cloud hanging over our heads. Christmas, what is supposed to be "the most wonderful time of year", turned into one of the worst.

I have some good news though! WE MADE IT! We defeated the first Christmas without our babies! We made it out the other side! This is supposed to be the worst Christmas that we have to face in our grief, and we did it! Congrats!

I want to thank all of the supportive family and friends I have for putting up with me through the holiday season. I know I wasn't the most cheerful, and easiest person to deal with, but never once was I judged for not treating Christmas like the the best Christmas ever. Thank you.

I also would like to thank everyone who sent cards and letters. Those letters were some of the most wonderful gifts I have ever received. Every single one of them I read had me in tears, and put a smile on my face at the same time. They were all different and very beautiful. I know I probably seemed very repetitive with my thank yous, but I assure you every thank you was straight from the heart. I truly love you guys!

And last but certainly not least, I would like to thank everyone who sent a gift. For those with homemade gifts, I realize that making your gifts took time and energy and I am so thankful you thought of Serenity and I when you started your project. For those with store-bought gifts, thank you for including us in your Christmas shopping list. I understand that you spent money on your lovely gifts (even if they broke in the shipping process, Lol.) and I also understand that money doesn't grow on trees. All the gifts I received this holiday season will be cherished.

Now I would like to give my readers an opportunity to read the lovely letters that I received for Serenity on Christmas. They are in no particular order, and if I accidentally leave one out I'll be sure to add it soon. (This does not include the Christmas cards.)

• From: The Fraser Family (Specifically "Aunt" Megan) Meet Megan and Savannah at A story unfolding.

Dear Serenity,

I never got to meet you sweet one. I was never blessed with your earthly presence, and I wasn't around while your beautiful mommy bonded with you, and cherished your time in her womb. As a matter of fact, if it wasn't for your absence baby girl, I never would have never had the pleasure of knowing your mommy at all.

Sometimes Serenity, the pain we endure in life still brings forth wonderful things. You little one, are one of those wonderful things!

Although you have a great mommy who I know has already told you these things, I wanted to share somethings with you sweetheart. Your mommy and daddy had big plans for you. Two years went into their love and prayers for a baby. Then for six beautiful, heaven sent months, their future hopes and dreams were wrapped around your arrival. From experience, I know your mommy pictured her baby everytime she folded a tiny outfit she thought you would soon fashionably wear. You daddy secretly dreamed of having a "daddies girl." A spitting image of her momma, wrapping him around her fingers more and more with each passing day.

You and God Serenity, just like my Savannah, had other plans though. Your time here was too short, and it cut like a knife, but your tiny, beautiful, one pound body left a monumental impression on our lives. And no matter how much times passed, you will never and could never be forgotten.

The love your mommy and daddy have for you sweety, could move mountains. This Christmas, your very first Christmas, is going to be hard for them. This is one of those instances that they dreamed about sharing with you. Send them extra love Serenity, as they will be sending the same to you.

You are with my Savannah, this I know in my heart, and you silly girls knew your mommy and I would need each other. Thank you both for that. We will save a spot for you under our trees this Christmas, though i wish you both were here in person. I would sacrifice in an instant, you mommies friendship so she could hold you in her arms... so she could rock you and sing sweet "southern" lullabies... so she could comfort you when you cried... so she could introduce you to Santa and the beauty of the season.

But since even my hopes and dreams cannot bring you back to your mommy and daddy, I want you to know Serenity, I love you. That not a day passes I don't think of you.

Enjoy my Savannah angel girl, until your mommy and I can join in your girly, heavenly fun.

Merry 1st Christmas Serenity,

"Aunt" Megan
Sarah, Michael, Brody, & Savannah's Mommy.

• Uncle Drew and Aunt Val (specifically Aunt Val)

Dear Serenity,
This is your Aunt Val, and I wanted to take the time and write this letter to wish you a Merry Christmas! I wish things were different and you were here with your family on this day, but heaven is your home, and I know it looks soo pretty decorated for you and all of your angel friends, and I bet you will be getting alot of gifts just like any baby should on Christmas. It's your first Christmas, so it's a very special Christmas! As I sit and watch your cousin Addy, and watch the things she does and the milestones she reaches I also think of you, knowing you are doing the same things as her. I know you and Addy would have been best friends if you were still here with us, but I know you are still with us even though it's not in person but instead in our hearts, thoughts, and prayers. So don't worry baby girl you will always live on, by your family, we will talk about you and tell everyone about you, and as you get older we will sit and talk about how you look and how fast you are growing up. You have a big family and alot of love. Your mom and dad love you sooo much and these holidays are rough for them, you see them everyday but they don't see you but they know you are with them every second of every day. Well I will let you go so you can go and open all of your precious gifts and let you read all of the special letters that have been written for you sweet girl! Merry Christmas Serenity we love you very much!!

Love always, Aunt Val, Uncle Drew, Karson, Addison, Blaine, & Makayla.

• From Serenity's (2nd) cousin Donicia

Serenity,
        I can't even begin to explain how happy I was for your mommy and daddy when I found out they were expecting a baby. then when i heard they were having a girl, I was even more excited. This would be a chance for me to "bond" with your mommy and talk about all things baby. I enjoyed it when I saw them at the Wilkerson reunion and we got to actually do that. We talked about you kicking and moving in your mommy's tummy and other pregnancy things. :)

        Then I got a horrible phone call one Sunday morning. My mom told me that your mommy had gone into labor with you. It wasn't too long that I received another one from my mom saying you didn't make it. I was in shock. I couldn't believe it. I knew I wanted to go see your mommy and daddy. I knew that there was nothing that i could say or do to help them at the time, but I just wanted them to know that I care about them and you as well sweetie.

         I hate that we never got a chance to meet. But i think about you often. I know you are enjoying my Pappaw Rollie and my brother Josh up in heaven with you. I know they are taking good care of you too. I am pretty sure Pappaw is singing some of the songs he used to sing to Janae when she was a baby. :) That makes me smile just knowing that.

      I want you to know that I will never forget you. I miss you and love you sweet angel. Merry Christmas in Heaven beautiful!!

Love your cousin,
Donicia

• From: Brandy Mullinax (one of Mommy's dear freinds)

Dear Serenity,

     I know that your Mommy wanted letters and emails to read on Christmas morning, but I have chosen to give her something to help her bring in the new year. I am one of the unlucky people who never had the chance to meet you personally although I have seen your pictures and you are a beautiful girl. I can't help but think how differently anyone who knows your Mommy would have wanted things to go for her, I think that we all would have wanted her to bring you home from the hospital dressed in pink and been able to rock you to sleep in her arms and lose sleep over your crazy baby schedule. No one would have wanted it to be any other way, but that was not the plan that God had for ya'll. I haven't known your Mommy forever like some people, but we worked together briefly and she is one of the BEST people I know, she really is a special person I think because she is always real and genuine you are a lucky girl to have had her as your Mommy. She needs you to watch over her and help keep her strong because she still has a lot of hills to climb in dealing with your going to be an Angel. I hope that this letter somehow will help to comfort her in knowing that she is not alone and she has plenty of friends that would be there for her in a second. Again Serenity watch over her and keep her strong always let her know that you are there with her even when she can't see you.

In My Heart Also,

Brandy

Here are most of the cards and gifts we received. Thanks again everyone!!

I hope 2011 treats everyone better than 2010 did! Happy New year everyone!