Just thought you ought to know.

So you may have read my blog announcing that we were going to bless Serenity with a new baby brother or sister. If not you can read it here. That was on January 25th when I announced it to the blogger world. Today I am announcing that we lost that baby. "His" name would have been Sawyer. His angel day is 2/14/11. Yes, Valentines day.

Pregnant with another baby Mitchell.

Took my first positive pregnancy test on January 7th. I ended up taking 10 more, because I couldn't believe my eyes. We had it confirmed at the local health department on January 18th. I got on medicaid real quick, and we had our first Dr appointment on January 26th. Everything seemed okay. Then Friday February 4th, we went to the ER for some spotting, and was told to see my OB in the next few days, and bedrest. We went and saw my Dr on Tuesday February 8th. We had an ultrasound done and was told that the baby was only measuring to be 5 weeks, when it was supposed to be measuring around 8, give or take a day or two.

Measuring only 5 weeks.

I was also told that I had a UTI and given meds to help clear it up. They agreed bedrest was best for me. Don't get up except to pee. They set me up an appointment for exactly 1 week later to get another ultrasound done, so they can make sure there was a heartbeat. I started spotting again on Friday February 11th. 7 months to the day from Serenity's birth. Saturday it got a little heavier, but not much. I called my Dr and told me - bleeding with cramps, go to the ER. And not just any bleeding, but heavy like a period. So I waited. Sunday, February 13th was pretty lazy. I was still on bedrest, doing my new normal routine. Nothing. That evening, I went to the bathroom, and was bleeding alot heavier than I was before. So we went back to the ER. After waiting in the waiting room for a couple hours, we finally got into a room. They collected my urine, drew a little blood, and did a pelvic exam. The Dr came in a little while later and said "Good news! You're still still pregnant! Now make sure you go see your OB tomorrow morning." We were a little relieved, but it still didn't seem right. When the nurse came back in with my discharge papers, I asked for the numbers on my hCG levels. She informed me that all the Dr did was a urine pregnancy test, and checked to see if my cervix was closed. I was really pissed because I could have done THAT on my own, at home! We went home, slept, then went straight to my Dr's office. They had just opened at 8:30 when we arrived at 9am. We were informed that the Dr would not be arriving for another hour, and asked us why we were there so early. We told the receptionist of our little ER visit the night before, and that they had  told us to come first thing in the morning. And then we sat down for the hour long for the Dr to arrive. About 9:30, the ultrasound tech called us in the back. She told me to give them a urine sample, she had a scan to do first, and then she would scan me. So I did what I had to do, sat there in one of the back waiting rooms for her to finish her first scan. When she finally finished she came and got us. We looked at the ultrasound, and she had a look of sadness on her face. No heartbeat, and my body had absorbed the yolk sac (which is how the baby gets it's nutrients at this point in the pregnancy). But the baby was measuring 6 weeks, there was just no heartbeat or yolk sac anymore, an no chance for one.

Now, I am on meds to help me pass everything on my own. We are trying not to go the D&C route again unless we absolutely positively have to. We are still unsure of when we will try for another baby, but thats okay. We need to process THIS before we think about that, and even when we do, we will be keeping it much more private than we did this time.

I just thought everyone should know what happened. I also wanted to remind people that getting pregnant with your rainbow baby is NOT a cure. There is ALWAYS a chance this is going to happen, and we KNOW this! We worry about this EVERY SINGLE DAY when we are pregnant! Not a second goes by when we're not thinking "what if?". It's not all sparkles and candy like people think.

To everyone who treated me like shit when I was pregnant with this baby - Are you happy now? You got what you wanted, right? Another baby died, but thats okay as long as I'm not pregnant, right? No? Then why did you act like a mental patient when you found out I was pregnant?