THE GREIVEING PARENT'S WISH LIST

This is exactly how I feel. It hits the nail on the head.

THE GREIVEING PARENT’S WISH LIST

1. We wish you would not be afraid to speak our child’s name. They lived and were important and we need to hear their name.

2. If we cry or get emotional if we talk about our child, we wish you knew that it isn’t because you have hurt us; the fact that they haved died has caused our tears. You have allowed us to cry and we thank you. Crying and emotional outbursts are healing.

3. We wish you wouldn’t let our loved one die again by removing from your home his pictures, artwork, or other remembrances. (does not apply)

4. We will have emotional highs and lows, ups and downs. We wish that you wouldn’t think if we have a good day our grief is over, or that if we have a bad day we need psychiatric counseling.

5. We wish you knew that the death of a child IS different from other losses and must be viewed separately. It is the ULTIMATE tragedy and we wish you wouldn’t compare it to your loss of a parent, spouse, or a pet.

6. Being a bereaved person is not contagious, so we wish you wouldn’t stay away from us.

7. We wish you knew all the crazy grief reactions that we are having are in fact very normal, depression, anger, frustration and hoplessness and the questioning of values and beliefs are to be expected following a death.

8. We wish you would not expect our grief to be over in six months. The first few years are going to be exceedingly traumatic for us. As with alcoholics, We will never be “cured” or a “formerly bereaved” but forever be “recovering” from our bereavement.

9. We wish you understood the physical reaction to grief. We may gain weight, or lose weight, sleep all the time or not at all, develop a lot of illnesses and be accident prone, all of which are realted to our grief.

10. Our child’s birthday, the anniversary of his death, and the holidays are terrible times for us. We wish you would tell us that you are thinking about him on these days and if we get quiet and withdrawn just know that we are thinking about him.

11. We wish you understood that grief changes people. We are not the same people we were before our child died and we will never be that person again. If you keep waiting for us to get back to “our old selves” you will be frustrated. We are new creatures with new thoughts, dreams, aspirations, and values.