The seasons are changing,. The days getting cooler, and shorter. The leaves are changing colors, and the holidays, are fast approaching.
Tomorrow is going to be hard. The day you were, finally, going to be in my arms. The day we'd, finally, get to kiss your gorgeous little face. The day we'd get to bask in the glory of the beautiful life we created.
But that is all gone. Shattered and ripped to pieces, as is our hearts. All we have left is a bunch of stuff you'll never get to use, ashes, and things you'll never get to admire.
I spend my days broken hearted about "what could have been", "what SHOULD have been".
Tomorrow should be the start of late nights, early mornings, crying, giggling, diaper changes, and so many more wonderful (and not so wonderful) things. And all we have left are ashes.
Why are WE the lucky winner of ashes? What did WE do to deserve these ashes? I don't want ashes, but it's all I have left of you. Ashes and a bunch of tearful memories. Memories too painful to remember, but too precious not to forget.
Tomorrow you would have been born. In a few days would have been your first Halloween. You'd still be too small to get out in the cold and trick-or-treat, but it would have been your first holiday, and mommy still would have done something special for you.
Next month, would have been your first Thanksgiving. Not anything too eventful, but it would have been the first time we got to take you to family get togethers, and show you off to everyone.
Soon after would be Christmas. You would have had your first Christmas tree, first Christmas presents, and not only your firsts, but the first time mommy and daddy got to play the part of Santa Claus.
If Halloween is this hard for us, how is Thanksgiving and Christmas going to be? We haven't even hit the biggest holidays yet!
I can't wait to meet you again babygirl. And next time will be much better, I promise. I hope you are being well taken care of, and given plenty of love. I hope you can feel the love that your daddy and I are sending to you.
We miss you so much!
I love you.
Love,
Mommy.
1 comment:
I wonder that too sweety! :(
These are all Savannah's first holidays as well!
But, just a suggestion, my husband and I have decided to get Savannah a stocking to hang along side ours and each year on New Years eve, we are going to each write a letter, and have Grandma's and Grandpa's, Aunt's and Uncle's write their own letters too. So we will always get to play "Santa Claus," and stuff her stocking with something special. They will be so nice to have and look back on for years to come! But, just a thought! :)
Thinking of you today! In my prayers,
Megan@ A story unfolding
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